My Dishes Don't Match My Couch...

Lately I've really been struggling with finding my groove here at the house. It's weird being home all day. Don't get me wrong, it's awesome but it is weird to not get up and go somewhere everyday. When I was working I never cared about the state of the house. I didn't care if pictures were hung or if our furniture matched. I didn't care if the baseboards were cleaned or if shelving was hung in the baby's room. When I was working I was so tired at the end of the day that I didn't care if we just had pizza for dinner. (Let's be real, I still don't care about that. I hate cooking.) But the longer I am home the more concerned and upset with our home I get.

When I was working the burden and responsibility of the home was shared between Donny and I. That was what we agreed on. We both felt like since we were both working full time then we both needed to share all responsibilities of the home. I am so blessed to be married to a man that doesn't mind "women's" work. In fact, he can clean better and faster than I can. He can also cook better! He's a keeper!! <3 I felt like we handled things pretty well. Our home didn't look like a Martha Stewart photo shoot but it didn't look like an episode of Hoarders either.

Before I quit working we had discussed the shifting of roles. Donny is sacrificing major for me. He's working two jobs just so I can stay home with our son. Like I said, he's a keeper! So, we agreed that since his time would be limited and since I was going to be home all day that I would be responsible for most everything on the inside of the house and our finances.

When we first brought Q home he slept like 20 hours a day. I was so on top of the house and meals and our money. I was feeling like I was made for this, like I was kicking ass at this stay at home mom stuff. Then Q woke up to the world around him and every thing changed.

Q is not the easiest baby and I struggle to get anything, and I mean anything, else done in my day. That never use to bother me but now I feel this great weight to have things more together. I know this is normal and most things I have been able to let go of but the look and feel of our home is one thing I haven't been able to shake.

We've lived in our home for over two years now and it still looks like we are moving in. There are lots of unfinished projects, hardly anything hung on the walls, nothing seems to match/coordinate, etc. I'm sure many of you share these feelings, I know I am not alone in this. I do not have an eye for decorating and I never use to care. Now I do. I want people to come into our home and love it. I want people to feel comfortable and cozy. I want our home to feel warm and inviting. And yes, selfishly, I want it to look stylish. That's hard to do since I have some weird tastes. I mean, I have a plum purple couch for crying out loud and it doesn't match my vintage white and green dishes!

Anyway... I've been wrestling with this for weeks and I've realized that most of my discontentment is because I'm afraid of how other people will view my home and ultimately how they will view me. I'm afraid people are going to come into my home and not like it. I'm afraid they are going to think it's weird that every single wall is white, that my cabinets are white, that my table is white, etc. (I have a love affair with the color white. It makes everything look so fresh.) I'm afraid they will think it's weird that we aren't taking on debt to replace the 1980's fake marble counters in our bathrooms. I'm afraid of what they will think, period!

Today I am reminding myself that what other people think doesn't matter. This is not their home. It's not mine either. It's the Lord's home. He gave it to us and it is our job to glorify Him with the use of it. My sister Jenny told me something years ago that I have been carrying around and can't stop thinking about since. She told me to not worry about trends and what other people think a home should look like but to instead fill my home with things I love, things that make me smile, things I love to see everyday no matter if they match or not, no matter if they are in fashion or not because I'm the one that has to live here everyday. Wise words. Some people do just that and their home looks like an HGTV makeover. Mine never will and I am working on being ok with that.

My dream for our home is not for people to notice everything in it but to notice God in it. I want people to see the Lord in our home, to see His love for us and them, to see His provision for us and them, to feel His presence here, and to find our home a place of comfort and peace, a place where they can come in their pj's and know we wont judge them, a place where they can feel free to be themselves and not worry about staining our rug, a place where they can kick their shoes off and put their feet up. I'm not really sure how to achieve this but I do know that it has less to do with how my home looks, less to do with if my couch matches my dishes, and more to do with how I treat people when they are here.

Colossians 3:12-14 

"12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."