Heartbreak and Hope

  Hard blog, I'll just get right into it. Our second doctors appointment did not go as we had hoped. Our fertility issues are a little worse then we anticipated. Long story short, we've decided adoption is going to be the best option for us. My heart broke some with the news from the doctor with the realization that the medical process was going to be a lot harder and more expensive then we thought. And then after things sunk in some and we decided to go with adoption it broke even more at the thought of never being pregnant, never feeling that bond over 9 months, never feeling a little thing kick me from the inside. As much as my heart was/is hurting I'm trying hard to trust God with what He's doing. It doesn't make sense, it hurts us both so much but His word teaches us that He knows best, He's got the master plan, He heals all hurts, He gives us the desires of our hearts in His perfect time. I try to keep telling myself that.
  At the same time I am also really excited. Weird how that's possible. When Donny and I started on this process a few years ago we prayed over and over that God would direct us, that if we were going in the wrong direction He would stop us and redirect us. We asked for direction and that's what we got, pretty loud and clear. So, thank you Lord for answering that prayer. I'm excited at the thought of starting the adoption process. It's a long one, usually 2 years. Sometimes longer. Hopefully in our case God will be gracious and make it shorter. I'm trying to look forward to us becoming parents rather then how we become parents. I'm trying so hard to focus on that and be joyful in whatever the Lord is doing that all I ever have on the brain now a days is a baby. Like, what agency should we go through, what degree of an open adoption would be best for everyone, what color would we paint the future nursery, what wall will we put the crib on. Crazy stuff like that which doesn't even matter at this point but my brain goes there anyway. Someday we will be parents and that is the important thing.

Jeremiah 29:11 

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.